Dysmorphia
by AmberStarry
Summary: Kaoru thinks he is disgusting, the most vile thing on the planet, and he's only gained a few kilos. Hikaru tries to console him, but can he really convince Kaoru that there is nothing wrong with him?


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, unfortunately.**

**Warning:** As the title suggests, this fanfic has a theme of body dysmorphia. If this makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you do not read. Thank you.

**Dysmorphia**

Kaoru stared at himself in the mirror, frowning unhappily at his reflection. He was disgusting. Worse than disgusting, he was hideous! He scowled deeper as he started poking and prodding himself, pulling at the skin of his stomach in repulsion. His golden eyes scrutinized every inch of himself, from his pudgy feet all the way up to his chubby cheeks. This wasn't the mischievous, sleek redheaded twin that he had once known; this was a monster, a repulsive lump of lard that threatened the sanctity of a once flawless physique and swoon-worthy face.

This was _not_ Kaoru Hitachiin, because Kaoru Hitachiin was _not fat. _

And this monstrosity certainly was. In Kaoru's opinion, it was the most vile, horrid, foul, nasty thing he had ever seen. He couldn't believe he had let himself go like this. It was detestable, unforgivable. He was supposed to be perfect! He was supposed to be so perfect that it was sinful. That was the Hitachiin twin trademark, to be so utterly faultless that the only person who could rival him was his identical twin brother. However, he was sure that a great many more than his brother could rival _and_ outdo him now. Scratch that, he was _certain_. He should just quit while he was ahead; quit the Host club, quite the flirting, quit the brotherly love, _just quit_. Hikaru could do it without him, they had both been doing it for so long that they knew how to please the girls as easy as if they were making a cup of tea. Hikaru didn't need him, didn't _want _him he should say. Nobody wanted this creature, it would be better if he just hid away in a cave and never came out again. That would make everybody happy.

Hikaru hummed a song absently as we walked passed his room, only to back up and sigh in frustration as he saw his twin staring into their full-length mirror once again. How many times was Kaoru going to do this? It was becoming ridiculous! This had been going on for weeks now, and Hikaru had had more than enough of it. The younger twin had given up on fighting Honey-sempai away, and had started indulging in the many sweets the Host Club offered. Since then he had gained a few kilos, but nothing in the least bit substantial. He looked almost exactly the same as he did before, but Kaoru just couldn't comprehend it. He had gotten this idea into his head that he was disgusting even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. It was starting to make Hikaru fearful of his little brother's sanity; Kaoru was driving himself to distraction with these self-depreciating thoughts. Hikaru did not want Kaoru to start starving himself to end up like their mothers models, now _they _were disgusting. The only thing people that skinny were good for was being human coat hangers. Kaoru was perfect the way he was, how could Hikaru make him see that? Walking into the room, Hikaru closed the door softly behind him and walked up to Kaoru, who jumped in shock when he saw Hikaru's reflection coming towards him in the mirror.

The younger twin span around, facing his brother who was fixing him with a disapproving stare. The breeze blowing in through the window to their right suddenly made Kaoru all too aware that he was only wearing his black boxers, and he involuntarily shivered.

Hikaru crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side, inviting Kaoru to spout his excuse. But Kaoru just bowed his head, ashamed. Was it his fault he felt repugnant? Like no one would look twice at him again? Well, it was his fault for getting here in the first place, all that indulging in cake and sweets and endless amounts of sugary strawberries. It was his fault he had become like this. He knew what Hikaru would say, that he would tell him not to worry; but the point was that he _couldn't_ _help_ worrying. Hikaru wouldn't understand that though, so he resigned himself to beat Hikaru to the punch and reply to the unasked question that was hanging in the air. "I know…" Kaoru sighed, scratching the back of his head.

"Do you?" Hikaru countered, bending his head down so it was level with Kaoru's bowed one, "Because I really think you don't,"

"I know I shouldn't be brooding over my appearance," Kaoru stated, starting to twiddle his thumbs in the awkward atmosphere that was surrounding him.

Hikaru stood back up straight and nodded, "No, you shouldn't be. There's nothing wrong with you, how many times do I have to say that before you'll believe me?" He chided, watching his brother forlornly.

Kaoru shrugged and started picking at the cuticle of his thumbnail, "I'm just so fat, I don't even look like meanymore, and I don't look like _you_ anymore!"

Hikaru slapped a hand to his forehead in exasperation, "You've gained five kilos Kaoru! Your face is about 0.000001 times fuller than mine, your body looks exactly the same because we put on weight evenly, and you are _not _fat!"

Kaoru abandoned his cuticle and kneaded his hands together, shaking his head in refusal to believe what Hikaru was saying, "I _am_ fat! I'm hideous!" he snapped incredulously, "I'm the most revolting thing to ever walk the face of the earth!" Kaoru sucked in a sob as tears started to well up and over his eyes, streaming down his face like rivulets of pure pain, "I was perfect, I was…"

Hikaru grabbed Kaoru by the shoulders, causing the younger twin to snap his head up in surprise, and looked him straight in the eyes before stating with conviction, "Kaoru, you are _still _perfect. You have _always been_ perfect, and you _always will be _perfect. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen or known, and nothing will _ever_ change that. You are unparalleled, superlative, utopian! Kaoru, even if nobody else thinks you are perfect, _I will_. I love you, I love you so much I'm stretching my vocabulary to it's very limits, racking my brain for words to describe how utterly magnificent you are. Kaoru, you are sexy, gorgeous, amazingly, incredibly, ravishingly, stunning - and I don't want you to ever think you're anything less than that EVER again!"

Kaoru's sobbing subsided and he gazed in to his brother's eyes disbelievingly. Did Hikaru really think Kaoru was all those things, or was he just saying that to make him feel better? It was probably the latter; nobody would ever think that about him. "You don't really think that…" Kaoru whispered disconsolately, averting his eyes. Before Kaoru could think, Hikaru's lips were on his and they were meshing together lovingly. Hands were tangling in his auburn locks, pulling him closer to his brother. Fingers were trailing up and down his back, leaving a tingling feeling in their wake. Hikaru's abdomen was pressing against his; they were so close now he could feel his brother's heartbeat.

After a few minutes, Hikaru pulled away breathing heavily, but kept their faces only millimeters from each other, "Riddle me this Kaoru. If you're so repulsive, why do I want you so much it hurts? Why do I dream of you when I sleep, and why can't I keep my eyes off you when you're awake? Why does every action you make enthrall me? And why do you have a hoard of fangirls who pretty much worship the ground you walk on at your disposal?"

Kaoru opened his mouth to reply, but Hikaru's once again covered it as the older twin placed a light peck on his lips. He then started trailing feather light kisses down Kaoru's neck, and along his shoulder. In between every kiss Kaoru could hear Hikaru whispering that he was beautiful. Over and over again – _you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful. _Kaoru closed his eyes and listened to the soothing sound of Hikaru's voice until he couldn't contain himself anymore. Without warning, Kaoru threw himself at Hikaru, burying his face in his brothers shoulders. "I-I love you, so much. T-thank you, thank you!" Kaoru gasped out weakly, clinging to his brother desperately.

Hikaru rested his head on Kaoru's shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around his brother's lithe body. "It's alright Kaoru, everything's going to be alright," He peeled himself away from Kaoru and took his brother's hand, "Let's take a cat nap."

Kaoru nodded and wiped away the remnants of the tears that had been running down his face minutes ago, before following Hikaru over to his bed. Hikaru laid down on the bed first and tapped the spot beside him softly. Kaoru slid in next to Hikaru and snuggled up close to him. In a matter of minutes Hikaru could hear Kaoru's breathing soften as he drifted off into slumber. Hikaru absently started stroking Kaoru's hair, staring blankly out at their room. This was the third time he had done this; he wondered how many more times he would have to reassure Kaoru. Then again, he didn't care. He would do this as many times as he had to.

He just hoped Kaoru would snap out of it soon.

**End.**


End file.
